Today started out rough. Instead of waking to read the bible and praying, I awakened to a sick daughter who needed to be taken to the emergency room. The emergency room seemed to be the only way that some people could access medical services. I feared the worst. My daughter experienced difficulty breathing, which is not a good sign. I didn’t want her child to know that she was in the hospital.
My mind raced along focusing on the fact that I had a plane to catch and needed to leave, yet I had a daughter who might die if she left the emergency room. I knew that I wouldn’t be leaving and left the hospital to assist my grandson prepare for school. I forgot everything, the keys the gate remote as well as other personal belongings. I knew that I had to get the child ready for school without raising his suspicions about his mother’s health.
We went to the hospital emergency room two days in a row and the last day, my daughter needed to stay. I kept reading the same scriptures in Nehemiah over and over again. Everything had order. One thing preceded another thing. I didn’t blame my daughter because she was afraid of dying. But I accepted that she had failed to do things in order.
My daughter has a chronic illness and needs to consult with specialists on a frequent basis. She had not consulted with the specialist for over 6 months because she wanted to forget about them and live without their services like other young people her age. This neglect of her health or omission on her part contributed to her being in the hospital with pneumonia and congestive heart failure.
My head hurt and my chest ached all day. I returned to the bible again for solace. I read Nehemiah over and over again. I read about the plots to hurt people and I learned about how they chose to deal with those plots. They didn’t stay in their rooms and crawl under the covers. They performed the duties that were those to perform.
I listened to my Kiswahili all night. It sounded familiar and I felt comforted by the sounds. I knew that I was supposed to be learning Swahili and I didn’t need to stop now. I visited my daughter in the hospital. It exhausted me to be there. I felt this episode could have been prevented with proper medical attention prior to this massive flare-up. I felt exhausted but I knew that things happen for a reason and something good was going to come out of all this.
Nehemiah faced opposition through ridicule, discouragement and extortion. His life sounded like mine. Nehemiah was determined to build the broken wall. He faced opposition through compromise, slander, and treachery and yet he persevered until he completed the wall. Once the wall was finished, the people could return and be safe. I thought about my own life and the walls.
I needed to fix my walls. I kept thinking about the girl group that I was working with at school. Teachers and community members plotted all the time to keep us apart. The ridicule, slander and treachery all because my family left this little community long ago for something better. I decided to continue the group of girls and see where life would take us. I enjoyed the girl and we were building a support system within the group which served to protect them from outside predators.
Nehemiah gathered the people together to read the law. I needed to establish a schedule for the girls and gather them together to read the rules. We need to discuss what things went well and what things need to be improved. We don’t need to make the same mistakes over and over again. I believe that such forums serve a purpose and they give girls more confidence.
I thought about my own daughter. I thought about choices that I had made. I thought about choices that I could have made. I interrupted my thoughts. There are so many people in the bible who could spend their time lamenting the past. These people chose to move forward and so do I.
The most difficult part of my day involved sitting my grandson down and explaining to him that his mother would not be home tonight. He struggles with his mother’s illness and becomes very upset when she is hospitalized. It is for this reason that I think that any and all measures should be taken to avoid hospitalizations which means making the proper appointments for pre-care and following through to prevent severe flare-ups.
We learn something each time that we move forward. I stop focusing on the fact that my daughter is in the hospital. She moved to a new city with a new job all by herself. She made a successful transition for her and her child that she can be proud of accomplishing. She met all the right people when she needed to meet them. She opened herself to the right people and closed herself to the wrong people. Two tasks that require a lot of insight. She returned to the place of her birth and resettled. She separated herself from people who don’t share our spiritual beliefs and values. She emerged victorious.
When I let my friends know that my daughter was ill, I received prayers and kind thoughts from around the world. I was surprised at how many people cared about us. I could feel the prayers lifting me up and carrying me over my troubles. I knew that my path was becoming clear as well as hers.
An angel offered to care for my grandson while I attended to my daughter and rested. I was grateful for the respite. I felt blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I felt blessed to know that I could undergo difficult times and people would be there for us to carry us when we were tired to carry ourselves.
